Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
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I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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