i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
