why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
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