I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
