im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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