It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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