i think i have two assholes
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
