Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
