I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
