Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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