two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
