I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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