i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
