farters have to be the big spoon...
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
