i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
