I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
