so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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