Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
