we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
