hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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