I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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