i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
