I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
