I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
