hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
