Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I enjoy the company of your penis
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
