I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
