Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
he thought i was a dude.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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