I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
