I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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