I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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