Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
