You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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