life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Randomize
