Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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