the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
