So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
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Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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