I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
