so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
