He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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