how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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