Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
