Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
