just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
