if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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