There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
