He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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