Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
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