I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Randomize
