Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
