If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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