Umm I'm too high to move.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
