you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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