Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
