I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
