he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
