I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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