I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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