My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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