I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize