I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
