i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
