How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
