we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
