The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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