I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
