I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
