I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
