69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
