It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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