I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
