Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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