Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
