There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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