remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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