you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
