Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i dont even know how to be here
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I need to calm my uterus...
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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