on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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