Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
