Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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