The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
