yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
