i just identified you from a description of your pipe
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
