haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
